Dan Scott started a great conversation here about phrases to quit using in kids ministry.  Kenny Conley comments in that conversation about the process we go through as Christ followers.  Here is what Kenny writes.

…I’ve become a lot more comfortable with the idea that becoming a Christ Follower for many people isn’t an alter call experience, but a process. I’ve talked to too many people who can’t tell you when they became a Christ Follower because it was more of a process for them... I’ve had parents get frustrated when their kids “asked Jesus in their heart” and they’d already done it before… Could it be that this is a process? Kids may have made a heart decision, but their mind still hasn’t caught up (they don’t completely comprehend)…

I’ve talked to many parents with teens that have ‘grown up’ in church.  They stand before me confused because their daughter made a mistake and is now pregnant.  Mom/dad look at me and say,

“She accepted Jesus when she was 6, she never missed a Sunday, we volunteered every Wednesday night… now my 16 yr old is pregnant.  What happened?”

Are we offering a checklist?  Are we giving them hoops to jump through?

Don’t miss church.

Bring your kids to our events.

Do this bible study.

Pray this prayer.

We forget sometimes that mom/dad want to do this thing right.  If we throw a perceived ‘recipe for success’ out there, are we inviting parents to assume that following the recipe will produce the perfect child? Or at least a child with no MAJOR issues like teen pregnancy, social drinking, or addiction to 80’s hair band music.

I question our approach often.  I work to explain to mom/dad that choosing Christ is a series of discoveries and decisions.  It begins with discovering what He did for us and why.  Then continues with decisions… the everyday, ordinary decision of choosing what He says is best verses what we think is best.

Is anyone else (parent or Children’s pastor) wrestling this down?

I wish I could claim that statement.  But it’s not mine.  You’ll find it here…

This week I’m participating in a book study of Nancy Beach’s book, Gifted to Lead.  This is a rich book addressing the challenges of women in ministry leadership.  It’s well presented and I highly recommend the read.

If you’re a woman in ministry (volunteer or paid) or if you’re a man working with women ministry (volunteer or paid)… grab this book, dig in and have a rich conversation.  It will be well worth your time.

Check me out doing this all in sequence.  What’s up with that?!?  Usually I toss in a few random posts just to keep you guessing.  Not so, this time.  Let’s keep rolling.  If you missed the first two, you can catch up here.

Skill #3:  Dialogue with God

The environments created at home and at church will be one of the first places children and teenagers learn to pray

Talking with God is not a difficult thing to demonstrate.  Actually doing it is the secret.  Though mealtime prayers are a ritual in many homes; breakfast, lunch and dinner are not the only times to dialogue with God.  We don’t stop talking to our kids at breakfast, do we?

Here’s a fun idea to establish a habit of prayer with your kids:

Every time the bell rings at school, just say hello to God.

It draws them back to a focus on Him and encourages an opportunity to talk with Him.

As a Christ-follower, what could serve as a constant reminder to just say hello to God?

As a parent, ministry leader/volunteer, what ideas do you have that would teach a Christ-follower the habit of dialogue with God?

I’ll leave you with this little nugget.  Who could resist. 

The 5th and final parenting skill… and my favorite of all.  Parenting Skill #5 is…

Multiply your Influence

Pursue strategic relationships for your kids.  As our kids grow older, our influence begins to diminish and the influence of others increases.  You can be strategic about who those influences are.

Though I can demonstrate what it looks like to be a godly mom and a godly wife for my kids, I will always be mom to them.  I want my daughter to be influenced by single young women who love Jesus.  So, I strategically place these Christ-following women in her life that demonstrate what purity and modesty looks like in that phase of life.  I’m selective of the babysitters that I choose and the company she keeps.

You can multiply your influence over your kids by surrounding them with relationships that live out this scripture… “…Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!”

Fostering an environment where kids learn about Jesus can be a challenging task.  Introduce a child with special needs to the mix and the task can get a little more complicated. Some churches find themselves without a plan and (therefore) without a solution when this family arrives at their church.

I’ve been in kids ministry for a brief time, but in that time I’ve encountered a variety of special needs kids and their families. The most common things I’ve witnessed are…

• Parents – They need to know their child is welcome, loved and accepted.  Period.
• Volunteers – They need as much support and information as possible.
• Kids – They need consistency (and ditto bullet #1)

Each one is necessary for any family and their child but are vital for a child with special needs.

What is your ministries approach to special needs?

Leading praise and worship (a.k.a. the song and dance) in kids ministry is a full-body experience.

This is no spectator sport.

Kids love to sing.  Kids love to dance.  Part of every experience for kids includes this element.  It’s another way to teach kids how to praise their God.

But if you’re volunteers don’t know how to praise their God, then this element can run flat.

I’m not suggesting that every kids volunteer would love to stand in front of a bunch of 4-year-olds waving a worship scarf around while singing songs.  It’s true… there has to be one of those crazy fanatics in the group… but not everyone has to be like that.

This really has less to do with how energetic or silly they are while leading kids in a worship song.  It has more to do with the spiritual discipline of praise and how it’s applied in their own lives.

My theory is this…

If my volunteers have never incorporated the spiritual discipline of praise into their own lives, then teaching kids how to honor God’s name in worship can feel pretty manufactured.  Kids pick up on that stuff.  Clearly this can affect every aspect of the kids experience… but (in my experience) it seems most obvious during the time when their leading kids in song and dance.

Why is that?

Because I can feel pretty comfortable in my own skin when I’m reading a story, leading a craft or just hanging out coloring with kids.  But put me in front of kids with a song I wouldn’t normally listen to on the radio, a worship scarf I would never be found dead with in Big Church and ask me to lead a bunch of little kids through the song with energy and enthusiasm… I’m not feeling so comfortable any more.  It’s the most exposing part of the kids experience and most adults don’t enjoy leading it.  Why?

It’s the least adult-like function of the entire hour.

So relating back to yesterday’s post… Lead your volunteers spiritually.  Challenge them to the spiritual discipline of praise.  Do they truly praise God?  What does that look like?

Praise has everything to do with God and nothing to do with us.  Praise isn’t all about singing a song… in fact that’s only one of many ways to bring praise and glory to God.  Praise is about acknowledging who God is… recognizing His attributes… honoring His name.

So here’s a great challenge for your volunteer… for all of us, for that matter.

Take 5 minutes and praise God.  Do nothing but talk to Him about Him.  No mention of yourself.  There can be NO pronouns.  It’s tougher than you think.  Our spirits are so adept at making things about us that shifting our focus for even 5 minutes to recognize and honor God is a discipline that must be built up.

I believe that when a volunteer incorporates this discipline into their life it can change the way they approach volunteering as a whole.  It can certainly change the way they feel about singing and dancing in front of 4-year olds.  Why?  Because they have established in their lives that it isn’t about them… it’s about teaching these kids to do what they’ve learned to do… bring glory and honor to their God.

Lead them spiritually.

I mean, really lead them.

You have volunteers in your ministry that are there because they want to make a difference.

You have volunteers in your ministry that are there because they were told they’re supposed to serve.

There is a big difference between the two.

One is there out of obedience to a calling. And that calling is what carries them through the challenges of ministry.

The other is there out of obedience, as well.  That willingness gets them in the door, but it won’t likely carry them through the challenges they’ll face in ministry.

No matter where your volunteer is… the goal is the same.  They need (and want) to grow spiritually.

How often do we hear in ministry circles about the concept of “ministering out of the overflow”.  Do you share that concept with your volunteers?  Do you lead them to do the same?

There is a big difference between a kids experience lead by a volunteer team that is ministering out of the overflow of what God is actively doing in their lives… and one that is not.

So how do you get there?  How do you get your volunteer team to a place of ministering out of the overflow?

Lead them.  Challenge them.  Provoke them to exercise spiritual disciplines.  Then, pray for them as they yield their lives to the Holy Spirit.

I heard Craig Jutila once say, “What is healthy will grow.”  It’s natural.  If your volunteer team is healthy, it will grow.  Spiritually and numerically.

Talking with some parents this past weekend I asked them where they were plugged in and serving.  They shifted a little and mentioned getting involved with our Host Team as a greeter.

I understand that.  Their desire to plug in as a greeter is largely due to the fact that it doesn’t require a weekly commitment and if you miss here and there (or everywhere ) you’re not really missed.

But you don’t know what you don’t know… ya’ know?

How do you get a parent to consider plugging into kids ministry?  Talk about the benefit to them personally.  Do they have an elementary-aged child?  Then that child is likely tossing out spiritually-charged questions that are challenging to break down in a way they will understand.  What’s the best way to equip mom/dad?

Plug into the elementary experience and serve.

I know that sounds simple.  And I don’t pretend this is an epiphany that no one else has ever stumbled upon.  Don’t be ridiculous.

But I can only speak from my own experience.

My 9-year-old has established a habit of asking questions that baffle Kyle and me.  Though we may know the answer, trying to frame it in a way that he can comprehend is challenging.  So dismiss the presumption that b/c I’m a Children’s Pastor this stuff comes naturally to me. It doesn’t. In fact, sometimes Kyle and I stumble over ourselves so much Keegan ends up more confused than where we began.  Like a zit… the more you pick at it, the worse it gets. Yet it always seems that somewhere in the midst of the conversation I remember something in Toon Town that addressed the very topic.  I remind Keegan of the character, the circumstance and how they ’shaped’ their explanation.  Then it sinks in… the light bulb goes on… and all is well with the world.  Keegan runs off to play and Kyle and I sink into the couch feeling as if we just ran a marathon.  Sad, really.

But my point is this…

I don’t write the curriculum that is taught to my son in Toon Town. I am exposed to it simply by being in the experience for one hour per week.  By being exposed to it, I’m equipped to have conversations with my kids on levels they can understand.  By hearing it presented in an age-appropriate manner, I’m better equipped as a parent to take that and elaborate on it at home.

I am equipped as a parent to lead my child spiritually simply because I’m exposed to what and how they are taught each week at church.  That’s rich.

So, when you look at it…

We don’t have to recruit from the premise that we need parents to serve in kids ministry.  Parents need kids ministry to serve in so that they may be better equipped as parents… as spiritual leaders of young followers of Jesus.

Call it continuing education…  On-the-job training… whatever.  Either way you slice it… engaging in kids ministry as a volunteer is a worth an hour of your week. Thoughts?

So, last week I asked the question we all ask at one point in our ministry.

What level of commitment do we ask of our volunteers?

Responses varied.  But Kenny’s summed all of them up very well.

For us it depends on what role. We expect our small group leaders to serve every week. We have multiple services, so they don’t have to miss the adult service. Leaders (people who are leading other volunteers) generally serve every week as well. However, most volunteers serve every other week. I’ve found that volunteers who can only commit to one weekend a month generally are not dependable. They often forget and rarely value the commitment. Some of the people I really respect in ministry really encourage moving all teams toward a serve every week model. I’m in love with the idea and I understand that you’ll need less people to pull that off, but finding people willing to commit to that schedule is HARD to do! 

So let’s talk nitty-gritty.  

The majority of those that commented all lead kids ministry and all agree that the every week commitment is the preference even if it isn’t the practice.  The majority agree that an every week commitment fosters an environment that is best for the child… which is our focus.  We could spend a lot of time there.

But someone I respect immensly shifted my focus recently and it has dramatically changed the way I recruit.

Most of the time we recruit from a mindset that we need the parent in order to make our ministry work.  That is true.  We need adults to execute the ministry on a weekly basis.  No argument.  

But is it possible that parents need to serve in kids ministry in order to grow as parents?  

hmmm… that’s a thinker

I speak best from experience mostly b/c I’m hard-headed.  I’ll share more on my personal experience tomorrow.