My son is not. You can kiss him on the cheek. He’ll kiss you on the cheek. No more… no less.
But if you’re going to get a kiss from my daughter, it’s going to be squareonthelips. As I tucked her into bed the other night I gave her the normal hug and kiss.
And she gave me more.
I could tell from the get-go this kiss was different. She came at me with the lips primed and ready. Planted those wet ones square on mine and even gave it a head swagger.
You know the kind I’m talking about. The “I’ve-seen-daddy-do-this” prolonged smackeroo.
Oh-My-Word
Let me be clear for all those wondering… it was lips only. No additional props used. At the same time, let me reiterate…
Oh-My-Word
Any parenting experts out there have sage advice for this mother-daughter conversation?!?
Dan Scott started a great conversation here about phrases to quit using in kids ministry. Kenny Conley comments in that conversation about the process we go through as Christ followers. Here is what Kenny writes.
…I’ve become a lot more comfortable with the idea that becoming a Christ Follower for many people isn’t an alter call experience, but a process. I’ve talked to too many people who can’t tell you when they became a Christ Follower because it was more of a process for them... I’ve had parents get frustrated when their kids “asked Jesus in their heart” and they’d already done it before… Could it be that this is a process? Kids may have made a heart decision, but their mind still hasn’t caught up (they don’t completely comprehend)…
I’ve talked to many parents with teens that have ‘grown up’ in church. They stand before me confused because their daughter made a mistake and is now pregnant. Mom/dad look at me and say,
“She accepted Jesus when she was 6, she never missed a Sunday, we volunteered every Wednesday night… now my 16 yr old is pregnant. What happened?”
Are we offering a checklist? Are we giving them hoops to jump through?
Don’t miss church.
Bring your kids to our events.
Do this bible study.
Pray this prayer.
We forget sometimes that mom/dad want to do this thing right. If we throw a perceived ‘recipe for success’ out there, are we inviting parents to assume that following the recipe will produce the perfect child? Or at least a child with no MAJOR issues like teen pregnancy, social drinking, or addiction to 80’s hair band music.
I question our approach often. I work to explain to mom/dad that choosing Christ is a series of discoveries and decisions. It begins with discovering what He did for us and why. Then continues with decisions… the everyday, ordinary decision of choosing what He says is best verses what we think is best.
Is anyone else (parent or Children’s pastor) wrestling this down?
I blogged a little about this yesterday. You can catch up here.
Consider the gifts God has placed in each of your family members…
Imagine these gifts engaged on a mission…
Imagine your family embracing a cause…
There are community mission opportunities to engage your family. Some coordinated by your local church. Some waiting to be coordinated by you.
Where can you take a group of families to engage with your community this June?
Featured here are friends who saw an unmet need in their community and were brave enough to do something about. These are amazing people. Take a click and see where God leads you…
Every team needs something to rally around. A goal that can only be achieved together.
Winning the Championship… Earning a Top Honor… Defeating a Record
These are accomplished when a team unites, focuses on a goal and attacks it together.
Families are teams.
Just as a sports team works together, each one contributing their individual talents, your family can work together to accomplish more than you could ever ask, think or imagine.
Imagine what would happen if families viewed their world through a missional lens. Imagine a family rallied around a cause. Their own personal ‘Championship’ to attain. Imagine what lengths they’ll go to build lasting, meaningful relationships.
Talking about the 5 skills to establish faith in our kids. Catch the first 4 here.
Faith Skill #4: Articulate Faith
Create a safe place to discuss and wrestle with what kids believe. This is key for our kids to make their faith their own.
Not just as parents, but as individuals, we can fear doubt. We are scared of questions. Sometimes it freaks us out when people question their faith. We think we might lose them forever. They might go off the deep end.
“Just have more faith. Have more faith!”
I’m not discounting faith. It’s a vital component to your relationship with Jesus. But in order to make something your own, sometimes you’ve got to wrestle it down yourself. I appreciate a good sermon, but I value scripture more when I labor through, question and digest it myself.
Give people in your home the space and the safety to question. Have less faith in your explanations of God… and have more faith in the work God is doing in the midst of the wrestle.
Some of the best parenting advise I’d ever heard came from a 23 year old single man. He said…
Talk less. Pray more.
Do questions make you uncomfortable? Do you allow people to question and wrestle with their faith?
Check me out doing this all in sequence. What’s up with that?!? Usually I toss in a few random posts just to keep you guessing. Not so, this time. Let’s keep rolling. If you missed the first two, you can catch up here.
Skill #3: Dialogue with God
The environments created at home and at church will be one of the first places children and teenagers learn to pray
Talking with God is not a difficult thing to demonstrate. Actually doing it is the secret. Though mealtime prayers are a ritual in many homes; breakfast, lunch and dinner are not the only times to dialogue with God. We don’t stop talking to our kids at breakfast, do we?
Here’s a fun idea to establish a habit of prayer with your kids:
Every time the bell rings at school, just say hello to God.
It draws them back to a focus on Him and encourages an opportunity to talk with Him.
As a Christ-follower, what could serve as a constant reminder to just say hello to God?
As a parent, ministry leader/volunteer, what ideas do you have that would teach a Christ-follower the habit of dialogue with God?
I’ll leave you with this little nugget. Who could resist.
We recently celebrated Baptisms at LifeChurch.tv. My passion centers around equipping parents for the long haul, so I lean toward providing ‘tools’ for them rather than just doing it myself. I love the idea of mom/dad having a rich God-conversation on the playground… like baptism. If I can give them the right questions to ask along with the right responses to look for, they can make a determination regarding their child’s readiness for these milestones.
The last baptism weekend was touching when a dad approached me right before his daughter’s baptism. He said,
Three weeks ago my 8 year old asked about salvation. I was able to go to LifeKIDS.tv, find information about salvation, have a great conversation with my little girl then lead her through a prayer to ask Jesus into her life. Last week she wanted to know about baptism. Again, I went to LifeKIDS.tv and found information about baptism. Today I’m baptizing my daughter because she wants everyone to know what God has done. I want you to know what you have done. You empowered me to have conversations with my daughter I never thought I could have. Thank you
That was amazing. And he has no idea how much that meant to hear.
I need to learn more…
As a parent, what additional tools can your kids ministry leaders put in your hands?
As a ministry leader, what tools do you offer your parents?
The 5th and final parenting skill… and my favorite of all. Parenting Skill #5 is…
Multiply your Influence
Pursue strategic relationships for your kids. As our kids grow older, our influence begins to diminish and the influence of others increases. You can be strategic about who those influences are.
Though I can demonstrate what it looks like to be a godly mom and a godly wife for my kids, I will always be mom to them. I want my daughter to be influenced by single young women who love Jesus. So, I strategically place these Christ-following women in her life that demonstrate what purity and modesty looks like in that phase of life. I’m selective of the babysitters that I choose and the company she keeps.
You can multiply your influence over your kids by surrounding them with relationships that live out this scripture… “…Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!”
Communicate in a way that brings value to the relationship. As a parent, my words have the greatest impact on my child.
A sarcastic tongue… a sharp response… these things can hurt a child’s heart. They hurt even more coming from their parent. Be the greatest protector of your child’s heart.
Your child will make mistakes. They will break things. They will spill things. And sooner than you think, they’ll be 16 years old and back into the mailbox… in your car. In these times, carefully address the problem, while affirming them as a person.
Then, in those random moments when nothing is wrong, nothings was spilled, nothing was broken… and your mailbox is still standing… take these moments to speak words filled with encouragement and praise.
Watch your child light up when you tell her what you see.
See his confidence grow when you tell him you fully believe that he can be a world changer.
Here is #3 of the 5 Parenting Skills. If you want to catch up click here.
Parenting Skill #3 is:
Create a Rhythm
Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 says, “Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street…”
Create rhythms (or habits) in your home. Rhythms are the constant themes that weave your family together. One example of a rhythm is family time. Time together as a family is easy to do when the kids are young. As they grow older, there are other things that fight for their time like friends, school, athletics, and other activities. Increase the quantity of quality time. Create the habit of spending time together.
If you are the strongest influence in your child’s life then you’ve got to create the time to be that influence.
Your kids will have questions. They’re looking for someone to ask. Increase the chances they’ll ask you. Create rhythms (or habits) where you have opportunity to talk about what God is doing.
We recently celebrated Baptisms at LifeChurch.tv. My passion centers around equipping parents for the long haul, so I lean toward providing ‘tools’ for them rather than just doing it myself. I love the idea of mom/dad having a rich God-conversation on the playground… like baptism. If I can give them the right questions to ask along with the right responses to look for, they can make a determination regarding their child’s readiness for these milestones.
