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Tonight I spoke with a group of parents participating in our Child Dedication experience.  This is how I feel after I speak to a crowd.  I’m highly critical of myself and typically battle insecurity in the aftermath.

I’ve learned to pray for the things God was in to ’stick’ and the things God was not in to fall away and be forgotten.  (like my cracks about Oprah parenting tips!)

Please pray for our families.  Pray that God would inspire His vision for His glory.

Thank you, friends, for all your prayer, comments and support.

I love my team.

I work with a ministry team of 5 that work their tails off to do whatever is necessary to create a kids ministry that is outstanding.  I love hanging out with them.  Love going to coffee.  Love the silly conversations in our area of the office… the laughter… the tears… the wetting of pants.

(I can neither confirm nor deny the actual wetting of pants.  I can only speculate.)

Hanging out with my team is the highlight of my week.

But I hate our team meetings.

I dread them.

We sit in a circle and talk tasks.  We run through an agenda of items.  We force ourselves to talk through challenges, issues, resolutions, etc.

I find they are difficult to lead through b/c I’m not a task-driven person.  Just looking at the list of agenda items makes me want to curl up in a fetal position and suck my thumb.

I understand that tasks are necessary.  I agree that each item on the agenda is important.

But I’d much rather use that precious time to re inspire my team.  Get them on the same page and remind them what our focus is for the week.  We can figure out another way to cover the tasks.

So, I’m revamping the team meeting next week.

There certainly needs to be laughing, guffawing… and some wetting of pants.

my acts of idiocy still amaze me.  though many of you may not be so surprised. 

this year for Christmas, our family gave a gift of obedience to Jesus.  we chose an area that we wished to be more obedient in toward Christ.  we wrote them on paper and gave them to Jesus for His birthday.

mine?

“Pray Sooner”

prayer tends to be an afterthought for me.  when i’m walking through a difficult situation i want to seek counsel on it immediately.  but my first counsel is rarely God.  though it may be Godly people… they’re not God.  though i may still counsel with them, they should be secondary to talking it out with God.

so that was my gift.  sounds simple enough.  and yet it just occurred to me i’ve been avoiding it for two weeks.

i’ve had some difficult conversations and tough situations to work through these past few weeks.  still more to come.  it’s just that season in ministry.  and yet i’ve spent little to no time in prayer.  i’ve found creative ways to distract myself.  ridiculous methods of avoidance.

and here i stand 2 weeks later still with the need to know the Father’s heart in these matters.

feeling sheepish for waiting so long.

In kids ministry, there are certain circumstances that naturally draw attention, generate excitement, and provoke anticipation. 

new building project

remodeled space

revamped curriculum/teaching

These circumstances naturally instigate a wave of excitement and anticipation.  As a leader, you can ride the crest of that wave for a while.

In the same way, something that occurs weekly and doesn’t ’seem’ to change from week-to-week can generate a sense of redundancy.  Leading through the perceived ‘redundancy’ is a leadership challenge.  Here are a few things I’m working through to cultivate anticipation among my volunteer team.

• Life-Change Stories:  nothing beats a great life-change story to remind volunteers why they do what they do. Open their mind to the potential for that hour they spend with the kids
• Thermometer vs. Thermostat:  one reflects the temperature… the other determines the temperature.  I need to be a better Thermostat for my volunteer team
• Keep the main thing the main thing:  don’t lose sight of the bigger picture.  always draw it back to why you’re there to begin with.  Why did we open the doors?  Why did we put so much time and effort into preparing?  For the very kids entering the doors right now.  Even if one kid came to LifeKIDS that day… every step taken to prepare was worth it.  Every child matters.  Every child is celebrated.

As a pastor I confess that my job can get in the way of my family.  It’s an ongoing challenge to ensure my family comes before my ministry.  There are moments I do that well… and moments I do not.

Last week I had a moment that I did not.

Though numbers are not the focus, we certainly track attendance as a barometer to help us determine the success/effectiveness of an event.  With goals set, we chase those ‘carrots’ all year long with the best intentions.  One such goal is to maintain strong attendance in our discipleship program from August to May.

Why do you need to know this?  Setting the stage, I guess.

Last week was the first week of school.  Josie started the 1st grade.  She was puh-umped.

All day school… Lunch in the cafeteria… more nervous energy than she knew what to do with.

It was also the first day of KONNECT.  (KONNECT is our kids discipleship program.) Now that Josie is 6 years old, she gets to participate in KONNECT.  Again, she was puh-umped.

After picking the kids up from school, we ran some errands, horked down grabbed some dinner and headed off to church.  Josie was borderline psychotic clearly tired by the time we arrived at church.  She’d had a few melt-downs since leaving school.  I debated on the wisdom of sending her to church and thus being up 2 hours past her bedtime.  I envisioned the following morning and the probability of outbursts that register on the Richter scale.

Despite the wisdom of just keeping her home and allowing her opportunity to rest, I took her to church.

Why?

Numbers.

If she wasn’t there, it would count against our numbers.

Like I said, sometimes I do a good job of putting my family first… and then there are moments like these. 

(Cue music as she is crowned ‘Mother of the Year’)

In my walk with Jesus, I’ve learned the key factor to intimacy with Him is sharing the final 10%.

A friend of mine introduced me to that phrase a while back.  Applied to an accountability relationship, it’s sharing the details we’d prefer to keep to ourselves.

The details that reveal more about you than you wish.

The details that alter perceptions of you.

Apply this attitude to your relationship with Jesus, it’s the same details.  Only Jesus already knows them.

It took me years to be completely transparent with Jesus about my deepest fears and my darkest sins.  I figured, “Why talk to Him about it?  He knows.  Just allude to them, ask for strength and grace, then move on.”  There was no doubt I was broken.  No doubt I was grateful for the grace of Christ.  Yet my lack of honesty hindered my intimacy with Jesus.  My desperate attempts to hide from them only gave the enemy room to work.

Rather than those sins/fears fading off into the depths of my past they always seem to surface in difficult times. Not knowing what to do with them, I’d stuff them further… shut myself off from them and pretend they didn’t exist.

But Jesus knew they were there. He was just waiting for me to face them.

A few years ago I got gut-level honest with a friend. I shared the final 10%. And the enemy lost a little grip.

Over the past year I began facing those fears and sins with Jesus. I know He’s not surprised by them. I know He’s already forgiven them. But the honesty has allowed me to identify the actions that feed my fears… the missteps that fueled my sins.

The challenge seemed insurmountable. The process was exposing. The freedom was unexpected.

I don’t want to end this post with the ‘pivotal question’ that tosses the ball in your court in hopes that you’ll comment.  I’m not concerned with comments.  But I wonder how many of my blogging friends have been there. How many are there now.  How many continue to hide from the skeletons in their closets.

Let me encourage you. When things remain in the dark, the enemy has opportunity to work. When things are brought into the Light, the opportunity is lost and the enemy has no control.  You were created to experience Life.  Life in abundance.  Today.  Life is found in Christ where there is no condemnation.

If this post hits home at all… find your accountability partner, open the closet door, and share the final 10%.

Setting:  Standing in line for a roller coaster at Frontier City…

Kyle:  “Aren’t those the sunglasses we got you for Mother’s Day over a year ago?”

Me:  with smug satisfaction, “Yep.”

Kyle:  “Wow.  That’s a record for you.”

Me:  “And you thought I couldn’t hang on to a pair of sunglasses.”

The sunglasses were left sitting on some random table at Frontier City. 

Isn’t that just how it is?

The past few months of my life have been filled with healing, refocusing, working and grabbing as much time with my family as possible. I haven’t blogged much… as you know. Every time I think about my silence on Jabberfrog I remind myself of a comment Kem Meyers made one time.

When things at home and work are healthy… I blog. When things at home and work aren’t healthy… I don’t blog. (loosely paraphrased… it was a long time ago.)

Things in my life have been very busy the past few months… and spiritual battle has been intense. I wish I could say that I’ve fought with some measure of endurance… but the truth is there were many times I hid from it.

My method of hiding is television. I grew up in front of it. It became a means of escape as a kid. Now, it’s just automatic. I know I’m avoiding something if all I want to do is ‘veg’ in front of the boob-tube.

So the battle becomes a series of successes and failures. Moments I don’t feel like confronting… just feel like evading. The Holy Spirit asking me to connect with Him, as I click on the ‘one-eyed-monster’ to connect with Deadliest Catch. Gratefully there are moments I refuse to quit fighting… pick up God’s Word… speak it out loud… and claim it as truth despite whether or not I believe it.

I’m still in the battle. And physically tired in the midst. But I know what lies on the other side is a stronger rooting in Jesus. All I know is I must remain by the stream. Speak His Word… despite how I feel. As long as I do this, my roots will grow deeper… stronger.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

Digging deeper in this season of growth means a season of harvest will follow. Fruit is to come and the harvesting of that fruit is very rewarding.

So, I’ll continue to battle. Dig into the relationships God has intentionally placed in my life. Pour myself out.

It’s the only way I know I’ll find laughter and joy in the midst of the storm.

…who knew they’d be such a challenge.

Keegan could care less what he wore.

Josie is a different story entirely.

Black shirt, black skirt, leopard print leggings and keds. Hot iron the hair. Lipstick and a little blush.

Sounds simple. Except it’s peppered with tears, melt-downs and a few items flying across the room.

By the time they get out the door, I’m barely dressed myself.

I always said there’s room for only one diva in my home. This is just my reminder.

Growing up, I always wanted a tree house.

There was something about having my own domain.

My secret patch of heaven where I make the rules. I call the shots.

As if the laws that rule normal society don’t pertain to this backyard domain.

Rustic on the outside, yet tricked out on the inside with secret passage ways and a sophisticated communication system involving tennis balls and an air cannon. (to communicate with the other treehouses, of course.)

This was my retreat. Though the look and location varied. The goal was the same.

Escape.

Did you have an escape as a kid?

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