Here we are… The 5th and final faith skill to build into our kids… (cue drumroll)

Skill #5:  Give to God

It’s important for children and teens to know how to give back to God and serve Him in the way they live their everyday lives

Again, I don’t think we’re hearing anything new here.  It’s the simplicity of living a life focused on God and not ourselves.  Whether it’s worshiping through song, the tithe, serving others… the key is focusing on God and following His desires for us, not our own.

Now, here’s the kicker question that applies to every faith skill.

1. Navigate the Bible
2. Personalize Scripture
3. Dialogue with God
4. Articulate Faith
5. Give to God

Do these faith skills only apply to kids?  Or are these skills each of us need to develop/sharpen in our own lives?

We tend to plan out the things kids are taught to ensure the objectives are clear. Consider this ‘continuing education’ for adults.  Which faith skill needs sharpening in your life?

Talking about the 5 skills to establish faith in our kids.  Catch the first 4 here.

Faith Skill #4: Articulate Faith

Create a safe place to discuss and wrestle with what kids believe.  This is key for our kids to make their faith their own.

Not just as parents, but as individuals, we can fear doubt.  We are scared of questions.  Sometimes it freaks us out when people question their faith.  We think we might lose them forever.  They might go off the deep end.

“Just have more faith.  Have more faith!”

I’m not discounting faith.  It’s a vital component to your relationship with Jesus.  But in order to make something your own, sometimes you’ve got to wrestle it down yourself.   I appreciate a good sermon, but I value scripture more when I labor through, question and digest it myself.

Give people in your home the space and the safety to question.  Have less faith in your explanations of God… and have more faith in the work God is doing in the midst of the wrestle.

Some of the best parenting advise I’d ever heard came from a 23 year old single man.  He said…

Talk less.  Pray more.

Do questions make you uncomfortable?  Do you allow people to question and wrestle with their faith?

The 5th and final parenting skill… and my favorite of all.  Parenting Skill #5 is…

Multiply your Influence

Pursue strategic relationships for your kids.  As our kids grow older, our influence begins to diminish and the influence of others increases.  You can be strategic about who those influences are.

Though I can demonstrate what it looks like to be a godly mom and a godly wife for my kids, I will always be mom to them.  I want my daughter to be influenced by single young women who love Jesus.  So, I strategically place these Christ-following women in her life that demonstrate what purity and modesty looks like in that phase of life.  I’m selective of the babysitters that I choose and the company she keeps.

You can multiply your influence over your kids by surrounding them with relationships that live out this scripture… “…Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!”

Parenting Skill #4 is…

Fight for the Heart

Communicate in a way that brings value to the relationship.  As a parent, my words have the greatest impact on my child.

A sarcastic tongue… a sharp response… these things can hurt a child’s heart. They hurt even more coming from their parent.  Be the greatest protector of your child’s heart.

Your child will make mistakes.  They will break things.  They will spill things.  And sooner than you think, they’ll be 16 years old and back into the mailbox… in your car.  In these times, carefully address the problem, while affirming them as a person.

Then, in those random moments when nothing is wrong, nothings was spilled, nothing was broken… and your mailbox is still standing… take these moments to speak words filled with encouragement and praise.

Watch your child light up when you tell her what you see.

See his confidence grow when you tell him you fully believe that he can be a world changer.

Fight for their heart!

Here is #3 of the 5 Parenting Skills.  If you want to catch up click here.

Parenting Skill #3 is:

Create a Rhythm

Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 says, “Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children.  Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street…”

Create rhythms (or habits) in your home.  Rhythms are the constant themes that weave your family together.  One example of a rhythm is family time. Time together as a family is easy to do when the kids are young.  As they grow older, there are other things that fight for their time like friends, school, athletics, and other activities.  Increase the quantity of quality time. Create the habit of spending time together.

If you are the strongest influence in your child’s life then you’ve got to create the time to be that influence.

Your kids will have questions.  They’re looking for someone to ask.  Increase the chances they’ll ask you.  Create rhythms (or habits) where you have opportunity to talk about what God is doing.

Parenting Skill #2 is:

Keep it Personal

Deuteronomy 6:6 says, “Write these commandments… on your hearts.  Get them inside of you…” The old phrase, “things are better caught than taught” applies here.

What happens in my home is far more important than what happens at church.  My kids will do what I demonstrate.

• How much my son cherishes Bible Study and learning.
• How much my daughter values loving relationships.
• The extent to which my kids serve others.

All of these are influenced by my daily activities more than the activities of the kids ministry they attend a few hours a week.

My child will learn how to love God with his whole heart from my demonstration of loving God with my whole heart.

As a parent, it’s imperative that I Keep It Personal.

Parenting Skill #1 is…

Imagine the End

Deuteronomy 6:4 says, “…Love God, your God, with your whole heart; love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got! “

Society teaches us the goal of parenting is to produce a well-rounded child.  But scripture teaches us our goal is to raise a child that loves Jesus with everything they have.  In kids ministry, it’s important we help parents to imagine their child at 18, 19, 20 years old then ask the question…  “What is your goal?”

Moses told the Israelites then later Jesus repeats it to the teachers of the law…

Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, mind and strength.

Of all the things we want for our kids, teaching them to love God with all they should be our single-minded focus.  All else will fall into place.

I attended a leaders forum hosted by the ReThink group last October.  I tagged along with a few friends because I heard Sue Miller was leading it.  To be in a room with less than 100 people hearing from Sue Miller was a no-brainer in my book.

I learned a lot that one afternoon.  But she spent a few minutes sharing 5 points that have influenced every conversation I’ve had with parents since that day.

5 Parenting Skills to teach parents that will shape their relationship with the kids.

5 Skills that provide a framework to the scripture Deuteronomy 4:6-7.

5 simply skills that… if used… if they become habits… a way of life… will give a parent the kind of relationship with their kids they truly desire.

I’ll start by providing the skills, then unpack them in the next few posts.

#1  Imagine the End

#2  Keep it Personal

#3  Create a Rhythm

#4  Fight for the Heart

#5 Multiply your Influence

I think we’ll hear more about this at the Orange Conference 2009!  I’m bringing a big notebook.