why? is a common question.

i’m conducting a funeral Monday for a little girl that died suddenly on Thursday.

the question why? is on everyone’s tongue.

but there is no answer

Whenever we celebrate baptisms at LifeChurch.tv it’s an exciting event.  We draw a lot of attention to it and intentionally create a celebratory moment for what God is doing.  It’s a great experience.

The most common conversations I have with parents center around this question, “Is my child ready for baptism?”.

A great question that is not easily answered.  My goal as a kids pastor is to equip mom and dad for those little, off-the-cuff conversations they find themselves in on the way home from school one day.  “Mom, when will I be baptized?”

There are a handful of questions I ask a child to determine their readiness for baptism.  For the purpose of equipping, I put these questions on paper and give them to mom and dad so they can be the one leading this conversation with their child… not me.   You can read them here.  Though these questions are helpful in determining a child’s understanding of baptism, I confess this is not a full-proof ‘tool’ for determining readiness.

Why?  Because we can know the right answers to questions and yet not display evidence that it is true in our lives.  I may have all the right responses to the question, but if my actions do not reflect life-change then my words are hollow.

So, how do we equip parents to view these questions through the lens of life-change rather than right responses?

I met my friend 6 years ago.  The night we met she was holding her 4 year old son in a meeting I was conducting.  As she held him, she rocked back and forth helping him through one of many siezures he’d had that day.  At 4 years old, he was like a toddler in her arms.  She explained to me the medical challenges her son faced on a daily basis.  But she struck me so differently than most parents I know whose child has special needs.  She had joy.

Don’t get me wrong.  She wasn’t talking about her son’s condition with laughter in her voice.  She simply shared what he deals with on a daily basis and how they walk through it.  There was no resentment towards others… no expectation that she should be recognized for their strife.  Just a simple recognition that their situation looks different than most, yet God is steadily walking them through it.

Six years later the story is much the same.  That little boy is 10 years old now.  He went through a significant surgical procedure during the Thanksgiving holiday.  Though they hoped to be out of the hospital in time for Thanksgiving, that didn’t happen.  Were they upset?  Initially… yeah.  That’s not what they expected.  But they didn’t remain there.

Instead they looked to God asking why He had them in the hospital that holiday rather than home with their family.  Who did God want them to meet?  As sure as day, God brought an encounter with a family that didn’t know Christ.  In their interaction there was opportunity to share the love of Christ.

This amazes me.  If it were me, I would sit stewing in that hospital room angry with God and everyone else enjoying their homemade turkey dinners.  But my friend has learned through her son that life is not about her.  It’s about God’s glory.  She’s learned not to dwell on the negative but instead turn her heart toward the positive.  This isn’t just feel-good psychology.  This is a steadfast faith.

Though her son is 10 years old and his medical prognosis isn’t favorable, she genuinely prays everyday that he will walk.  That he will talk to them.  That she will experience his arms holding her rather than hers holding him.  She prays for what God can do in her son.  The lives for what God is doing in her.

I’ve learned that communication (as it relates to communicating details to the right person at the right time) is NOT a strength of mine.  Nearly every review, assessment, and evaluation communication ranks as one of my weaknesses.

Though I can improve on this, I’ve resolved that this will likely always be my achiles heel.  And I’m okay with that.  My greatest tool for managing this weakness is managing the expectations of others.

I have dozens of conversations throughout the weekend with church attenders.   In many of these conversations I have a solution or course of action for follow up.  This is where I get in trouble.  Within a 45 second conversation I will make a promise to follow up the next week.   The problem is… I commit to an action step but I don’t define for that person what I’m going to do or when I’m going to do it.

The person I just spoke with has the assurance that I will follow through, but here are the issues I’ve come up against:

• They’re expected time frame may look different than mine
• They’re expected outcome may look different than mine

I’ve learned that people come with their own set of expectations and if you don’t meet these expectations they won’t like the resolution… no matter how right the resolution is.  So, I shape their expectations before I leave the conversation.  I make sure they know the following:

• when they can expect me to take action
• what my actions will be
• how the outcome might look
• what they can do to ensure I don’t forget

The final bullet may not be necessary for anyone else.  It works for me.  I make it a joke.  I let them know that if they want to ’seal the deal’ then send me a follow up email just to be on the safe side.  I believe this violates many customer service type mentalities as it communicates that I might forget something as significant as the needs of the person standing before me… and I should have a system in place so I won’t forget… etc, etc.  I’m not arguing that.  And maybe when I grow up I can do that too.  At this point in my life, this works.  And it keeps the poop from hitting the fan.  S’all I’m shoutin’.

Thought I dump some stuff in my brain today.  Maybe it will help me work through some stuff.

• Want to redefine our vision for our LifeKIDS volunteer team.   Focus more on the fact that they’re part of something bigger than themselves.
• Connecting the dots of ministry.  What is our missions ministry doing that our youth ministry needs to be intimately involved with?  What is youth doing that kids could significantly contribute to?  Breaking the silos down needs constant attention and communication.
• What does my communication look like to a parent from Child Dedication (infant) to 2 years old (when curriculum begins for a LifeKID)?   What can I build into these parents in the interim?  What suggested tools can I put in front of them to establish habits in their home?
• How can I make Thursday mornings less stressful on my kids? 

Yesterday I talked about strategy.  If you missed, read it here.

Here’s a strategy we’ve put in place for February and the events that pertain:

• Missions – LifeReach (entire month)
• Youth – Big SWITCH (11 & 18)

What is the purpose of each event?

Big SWITCH:  To bring in kids that don’t have a church home.

LifeReach – To engage attenders in acts of service within the community

How can the events benefit each other?

Big SWITCH -  Kids attend initially out of interest.  Retention is determined by relationships.  Relationships occur in small groups.  Small groups naturally spawn from mission events.

LifeReach – Provides an avenue for local mission events where Youth small groups can participate.

This is a win-win scenario.  Youth gains an opportunity for kids to connect with a small group while Missions gains more people participating in a local mission event.

It’s crazy.  Ministry, in general, is crazy in January.  Why?

Holidays are over.  Schedules open up a little.  Renewed commitment to church.  etc etc

Historically, we have a variety of events that hit at the beginning of the year to capitalize on the momentum.  New classes begin, membership opportunities, etc, etc.  My question is… how strategic are you being with your ministry?

I’m not just talking about your ministry (i.e. kids, youth, adult) but how strategic is your church ministry?

Look at it this way.  Your individual ministries are like players on a football team.  Your church mission is the football.  Everyone knows the goal is to get the ball into the end zone.  The question is… how are you going to do that?

You can all run around the field, executing your own plays, fighting for possesion of the ball and ultimately wearing yourselves out.  Or you can put some X’s and O’s on a dry erase board and come up with a way to play together.

I would argue that ministry leaders need to become experts in strategy.  If we can execute an effective strategy then our mission statement becomes more than just words on paper.

Tomorrow I’ll share some strategies we’ve put in place for the month of February.

I love talking to parents about their kids.

I love opening their eyes to a God-sized vision for their family.

I love the fact that I’m on that same journey with them.

According to John Maxwell, “The happiest people in the world are those who do what they love and love what they do.”

I’m happy.